Five Foods That Cause Anal Leakage

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Five Foods That Cause Anal Leakage

Postby CraKinShOt on Thu May 15, 2008 7:34 am

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Five Foods That Cause Anal Leakage

By: Liz Monte

When a consumable makes it necessary to buy new underwear, you just know something ain’t right.

1.) Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop
Oleastra, a.k.a Olean, a.k.a “Unwashable and Indestructible Ass Grease” is found in numerous “light” and “fat-free” potato chips. An indigestible molecule, it inhibits the absorption of vitamins and minerals causing abdominal cramping, loose stools, gas, and perhaps most notoriously—anal leakage. Yet, despite its infamous reputation, the Olean Web site reports that over five billion servings of the fart maker have been served … and continue to be served. No wonder Pringles Fat Free Chips are in the same aisle as the adult diapers.

2.) Becky, Look at Her Butt (… did she sit on a piece of pizza?)
The diet drug Orlistat (Xenical) works much in the same way Olestra does—by blocking absorption of fat. But when you eat half a tub of fried chicken, the grease has to go somewhere; that somewhere is usually your underwear, or if you’re lucky, the toilet. According to the makers of Alli, the over-the-counter form of Orlistat, you may experience “oily spotting” and “loose stools” and may recognize the undigested fat in your toilet because it “looks like the oil on top of a pizza.” We can’t say we weren’t warned … but pizza? Why’d they have to go there?

3.) Hook, Line, and Stinker
Escolar, sometimes sold or served under the name Hawaiian walu, butterfish, and super white tuna, is a deliciously light and buttery fish with one small problem. It contains large amounts of gempylotoxin, a waxy ester that sometimes causes the consumer to have abdominal cramping, diarrhea, and a telltale orange oily mess that destroys undergarments and dignity. In 1992, the FDA advised against supplying the problematic fish, but the agency has since relaxed its provisions. Escolar (and a related species with similar consequences, oilfish) is available in restaurants. Since the fish doesn’t cause the negative ramifications for everyone, ordering it is like playing Russian roulette … with your bowels.

4.) Too Good to Be Poo
Damned sugar-free candies. I was halfway through the bag before I read the warning (small, on the back, carefully worded): “Consumption may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect.” This should really read: “Consumption may cause your abdomen to extend as if volleyball had inserted itself there, and may cause a whining and hissing noise to emanate from bowels before a prolonged and painful bought of terrible flatulence.” Sure, sorbitol, and other sugar alcohols like xylitol and mannitol, may have fewer calories, but it’s not really worth it if you have to spend the rest of the day quarantined. A laxative in a candy—someone is having a really good laugh at my expense.

5.) The Juice Is Loose
Used for decades as a natural laxative, a tablespoon of mineral, castor, or jojoba oil will result in loose stools; a few tablespoons more and you’ve got yourself a problem. The indigestible oils may be cheaper than a bag of fat-free potato chips, but aren’t as much fun going down.

Perhaps the message from all these anal leaking ingredients is moderation—too much of a good thing really does come back to bite you in the ass.

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http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/2 ... al-leakage

hehe... I like her style of writing. :)

Semi comedy / semi serious. A lot of trouble people have start in the digestive system. I've read a lot of stuff that promote a healthy gut as a means to solve OTHER problems, in other parts of the body. Not to mention the huge rise in Irritable Bowel Syndrome in recent decades... If you are susceptible then examine your food and drink intake and try to move to an organic food only diet, which you cook yourself (microwave isn't healthy either).

I'm slow weaning myself off processed foods. My typical meal (a quick and easy meal) is now potatoes, carrots, broccoli and some quorn sausages - I have this almost everyday. The quorn sausages aren't ideal, but one thing at a time - on the plus side its got a lot of protein. If not that then a curry with all of the above vegetables and lentils. Rarely I have a leak, quorn and chilli stir-fry loaded a honey, port and ginger sauce with a helping of rice. Last resort is a pizza (the German ones you can get) with olives... and bar that as an absolute last resort, chips and beans... but I've not needed that yet. ;) I tend to limit my fried foods (including stir fries) to once, at most, a week.

If you get a steamer its very convenient to cook vegetables - I HIGHLY recommend you purchase one. Maybe 2-3 minutes to clean the vegetables, slap them into the compartments add water. Then set the timer and go off to watch TV until it beeps at you.
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Postby Trev on Thu May 15, 2008 8:43 am

the first one i knew about: i read some story somewhere about a bloke who decided to shave his ass-hair, eat a whole tub of pringles on a really hot day and then regretted it for the rest of his life. :)
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Postby CraKinShOt on Thu May 15, 2008 8:49 am

hehe, lol... awesome.
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Postby bokkie on Thu May 15, 2008 10:00 am

Magical Trev wrote:the first one i knew about: i read some story somewhere about a bloke who decided to shave his ass-hair, eat a whole tub of pringles on a really hot day and then regretted it for the rest of his life. :)


any1 else confused?
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Postby Flawless on Thu May 15, 2008 10:05 am

No. Think real hard about it, I also heard the story before sickening :p
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Postby LuckyNV on Thu May 15, 2008 10:10 am

“looks like the oil on top of a pizza.”

...
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Postby Mox -05 on Thu May 15, 2008 10:12 am

bokkie wrote:
Magical Trev wrote:the first one i knew about: i read some story somewhere about a bloke who decided to shave his ass-hair, eat a whole tub of pringles on a really hot day and then regretted it for the rest of his life. :)


any1 else confused?

No, Im pretty sure Trev did that when he was drunk :D <3

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Hm, didnt know pringles could cause that
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Postby Torpedo on Thu May 15, 2008 3:18 pm

I don't use salt on food, but there's an yoga technique consists in drinking salt mixed with warm water and making some specific excercises, for a rational period, can help you to clean your body inside, only 2 times for year is recommended. I know a guy that put off a cherrise kernel that he ate months ago! If you're interested i'll post the details.


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Postby CraKinShOt on Thu May 15, 2008 3:21 pm

Torpedo wrote:I know a guy that put off a cherrise kernel that he ate months ago! If you're interested i'll post the details.


eh? didn't get that.
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Postby Torpedo on Thu May 15, 2008 3:34 pm

CraKinShOt wrote:
Torpedo wrote:I know a guy that put off a cherrise kernel that he ate months ago! If you're interested i'll post the details.


eh? didn't get that.


I was talking about constipation.


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Postby CraKinShOt on Fri May 16, 2008 8:40 am

Gowd dammit... its annoying when farts sneak out... and ones that really stink too. I've got no problem holding them in normally and then going off to the toilet to blast a hole in my pants, but COME ON... its not fair when they sneak out.

"oh whats that smell... ahh crap I must have farted - but I don't remember unclenching my butt cheeks. O.o"

O.o indeed... I smell a conspiracy afoot
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Postby Torpedo on Fri May 16, 2008 1:31 pm

The smell that came from most of people's mind, whatever they go always a conspiracy of having an boarish ass, while the fragrancy hold it. There's nothing like to be filthy pig that uses soap and water.


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Postby BenJy! on Fri May 16, 2008 1:44 pm

When in doubt:

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