/cringe

Tell us your favorite jokes, or just show us the funny link you've found!

Re: /cringe

Postby G3!ST on Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:36 am

lollatron
User avatar
G3!ST
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: Incredibru
STEAM_0:0:6011571
 
Posts: 3617
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:04 pm
Location: England



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby Wizav on Sat Mar 12, 2011 1:51 am

I just rung my Japanese friend to make sure he was okay after the Tsunami and all he did was go on about his social life.

Just kept going on and on about a huge rave

LOL


Wizav
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: Wizav
STEAM_1:3:666666
 
Posts: 2222
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 12:51 pm

Re: /cringe

Postby Unskilled on Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:57 am

Don't know if this has been posted but it is the meanest joke I have ever heard :P

There is this couple who have been trying to get pregnant for a while, it finally happens.
The day comes when the woman goes into labor.
The husband sits in the waiting room waiting for good news.
A nurse comes out holding his baby, he jumps up and starts to celebrate.
But then the nurse slams the child into the wall, throws it onto the ground and stomps on it.
The man screams "what the hell are you doing!"
The nurse replies, take a joke it was stillborn.....
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”
Unskilled
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: Renatus
STEAM_0:0:20988392
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2010 7:40 pm

Re: /cringe

Postby Gh0st.IRE on Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:27 pm

:|
Ex-TF2 Admin. Forum Moderator. Add me on Steam or PM me here!
Image
Heresy MMO Guild Member.
User avatar
Gh0st.IRE
Moderator
 
Player: Rear Naked Bugs
STEAM_0:0:12137987
 
Posts: 4635
Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2008 3:09 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby ApacheFlame on Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:35 pm

That is worthy of frankie boyle and everyone knows he is a one trick shock joke twat.

I love offensive jokes, but that wasn't actually that funny. Sorry dude.

Back on topic:


Girl: What colour are my eyes?
Guy: 34C
The Programmers Mantra: Declare Variables, not War.

Image
Image
User avatar
ApacheFlame
Exec. Admin (Retired)
Moderator
UKCS iSeries Attendee
 
Player: Apache
STEAM_0:1:27288431
 
Posts: 5301
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:12 am
Location: over at the Frankenstein place



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby Arbor plena simia on Wed Apr 20, 2011 4:09 pm

One a friend told me;


A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?
We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

...The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said,
"Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."

The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine
them to see if there's anything I can do for them."

They were silent for a moment.

Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Image

In order to make a pie, you must first make the universe.
User avatar
Arbor plena simia
Experienced Member
 
Player: Arbor plena simia
STEAM_0:1:14696266
 
Posts: 1438
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:03 pm



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby GazNET on Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:15 pm

ApacheFlame wrote:Girl: What colour are my eyes?
Guy: 34C


:lol:
Sector Clear!
www.gaznet.com
User avatar
GazNET
Exec. Admin (Retired)
Moderator
 
Player: GazNET
STEAM_0:0:2825642
 
Posts: 8307
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 11:36 pm
Location: Solihull, UK



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby Useless² on Tue May 03, 2011 5:23 pm

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of back ache
the doctor says "remove your shirt and I will weigh your breasts"
the woman does so and the doctor shouts "WAAY!!!"
God gave me wind and waves...

Image

...Everything else I can buy
User avatar
Useless²
Home Member
 
Player: Useless²
STEAM_0:1:20542679
 
Posts: 313
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:46 am
Location: Bridlington



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby Wizav on Fri May 06, 2011 1:45 pm

Even though we both speak the same language, it's amazing how there are some subtle differences between American-English and proper English:

They say "sidewalk" we say "pavement"

They say "pants" we say "trousers"

They say "buried at sea" we say "naked and chained to a metal bed frame with a car battery connected to his bollocks whilst being beaten for answers".


Wizav
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: Wizav
STEAM_1:3:666666
 
Posts: 2222
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 12:51 pm

Re: /cringe

Postby EvolvedMonkey on Fri May 06, 2011 2:12 pm

The analysis of Bin Laden's DNA has come back as 24% cocoa, 52% coconut, 18% sugar, and 6% milk.

Experts say this was probably due to the large bounty on his head.
But I'm feeling good, And if you don't exist, you're still one illusion that I can't resist
User avatar
EvolvedMonkey
UKCS Life Sponsor
 
Player: EvolvedMonkey
STEAM_0:0:183417
 
Posts: 4991
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 3:31 pm
Location: Kepler 22b. Loving the atmosphere.



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby windowmaker on Fri May 06, 2011 2:39 pm

OH GOD LOL


User avatar
windowmaker
UKCS Life Sponsor
 
Player: WindowMaker
STEAM_0:1:6784095
 
Posts: 1997
Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Hartlepool



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby G3!ST on Fri May 06, 2011 5:15 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
G3!ST
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: Incredibru
STEAM_0:0:6011571
 
Posts: 3617
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:04 pm
Location: England



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby windowmaker on Fri May 06, 2011 10:28 pm

This kinda fits right in here

Image


User avatar
windowmaker
UKCS Life Sponsor
 
Player: WindowMaker
STEAM_0:1:6784095
 
Posts: 1997
Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Hartlepool



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby {TPUK}Advocate on Sat May 14, 2011 9:33 am

ooooooopss....

Seriously not very good at this, damn you kan!
Image

Last edited by {TPUK}Advocate on Mon May 16, 2011 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

{TPUK}Advocate
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: WindowLicker
STEAM_0:1:10948978
 
Posts: 1167
Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 1:28 am
Location: In your fridge drinking your beers



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby meyenburg on Sat May 14, 2011 6:43 pm

That joke was posted on previous page advo :p
Image
User avatar
meyenburg
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: real1ty
STEAM_0:0:8411193
 
Posts: 6250
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 1:08 pm
Location: Denmark

Re: /cringe

Postby EvolvedMonkey on Tue May 17, 2011 11:28 am

Best man speech at a wedding - 'Its been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.'

What do you call a woman with 2 fannies? ..... Jedwards mum.
But I'm feeling good, And if you don't exist, you're still one illusion that I can't resist
User avatar
EvolvedMonkey
UKCS Life Sponsor
 
Player: EvolvedMonkey
STEAM_0:0:183417
 
Posts: 4991
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 3:31 pm
Location: Kepler 22b. Loving the atmosphere.



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby BenJy! on Wed May 25, 2011 5:58 pm

Two women talking:

"Do u look at your husbands face when you have sex?"
"I did once and saw anger in his face"
"Why anger?"
"Because he was watching from the window!"
Image
User avatar
BenJy!
UKCS Sponsor
 
Player: GGGhost!
STEAM_0:1:10348274
 
Posts: 7732
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2007 10:03 pm
Location: In Northern Darkness



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby GazNET on Mon May 30, 2011 11:03 pm

EvolvedMonkey wrote:Best man speech at a wedding - 'Its been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.'

What do you call a woman with 2 fannies? ..... Jedwards mum.


:lol:
Sector Clear!
www.gaznet.com
User avatar
GazNET
Exec. Admin (Retired)
Moderator
 
Player: GazNET
STEAM_0:0:2825642
 
Posts: 8307
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 11:36 pm
Location: Solihull, UK



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby Arbor plena simia on Tue May 31, 2011 10:30 am

Simmilar vein to Windows.
Image
Image

In order to make a pie, you must first make the universe.
User avatar
Arbor plena simia
Experienced Member
 
Player: Arbor plena simia
STEAM_0:1:14696266
 
Posts: 1438
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:03 pm



Image

Re: /cringe

Postby EvolvedMonkey on Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:15 pm

When my wife said she was leaving me for my obsession with The Monkees I thought she was joking....


....then I saw her face.
But I'm feeling good, And if you don't exist, you're still one illusion that I can't resist
User avatar
EvolvedMonkey
UKCS Life Sponsor
 
Player: EvolvedMonkey
STEAM_0:0:183417
 
Posts: 4991
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 3:31 pm
Location: Kepler 22b. Loving the atmosphere.



Image

PreviousNext

Return to Comedy Club

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: CommonCrawl [Bot] and 1 guest