The ugly duckling of TF2

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The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Cole Scuttle on Mon May 13, 2013 10:46 am

Subtitle: 'Don't Diss Mah Medigun, Yo'.

Birds fly, sun shines, grass grows and, brother, everyone hates the Quick Fix. This is the medigun that was introduced with the Medic Update in 2011. It's the distinctive backpack with the tall cylinder thingies and the distinctive 'whoosh' noise when you use it. I'm having to describe it because it's so rarely seen on the servers these days that many people have forgotten what it looks like and I haven't got a decent picture of it to hand right now. When the Quick Fix makes its appearance on the server, it's usually to a synchronised display of rolled eyes from everyone else, followed by tutting, mutters of 'noob' and, in some cases, even abuse. The unfortunate Medic is sent away with a flea in his ear and told to 'go and get a proper medigun'. Well, that stops now, boys, girls and sentries. I hereby nail my colours to the mast and declare that the Ugly Duckling of TF2 is my medigun of choice and will evermore remain so. Get knotted, standard medigun! Hand in your badge and retire, Kritzkrieg! The Quick Fix should be the first choice of any aggressive Medic who fancies inflicting a ton of carnage for his team - and I am that Medic.

First off, I ain't no noob. I've played TF2 since it came out and I've racked up 422 hours as a Medic, so I know what I'm talking about here. If you want to be a Battle Medic (frowned on in some circumstances, but in an aggressive team it's a real advantage), equip yourself with the Quick Fix, the Overdose and the Solemn Vow. You'll be hard to catch, hard to kill and you'll inflict mayhem, trust me. Here's the news: you can't ubercharge for invulnerability and you can't generate crits... so what can you do? The Quick Fix does two things really well: it heals lightning-fast, and it allows the Medic a massively expanded scope of movement. Even if it can't overheal, it does heal at 300% the rate of the normal medigun. That's a battle-winner right there, because you can keep the whole team alive while they're taking fire, rather than, say, concentrating on the Heavy and sticking to him like a leech at the expense of everyone else. Secondly, and I can't stress this highly enough, you can move at the same speed as whoever you're healing up to and including the Scout. Fancy rushing the control point as a Scout but afraid you're going to get murdered before you can cap? Take a Quick-Fix Medic with you and he'll run at the same speed as you do (faster, in some circumstances) and keep healing you at that 300% rate while you cap. It's ideal for rushing control points. Secondly, if you fancy taking a shortcut, you can rocket/sticky jump with the Quick Fix. Just heal a Soldier or Demoman and when he jumps, you'll go too, right across the map sometimes. Sure, you'll hurt yourself when you land, but you're playing the only class that heals itself, so no need to worry. And this is just the Quick Fix in normal everyday use.

So what about that much-hated 'uber', then? The Quick Fix is a jack of all trades. The other two mediguns (I'm not including the Vaccinator in this because I haven't got one yet) do only one thing each: invulnerability (and very slow healing) or crits (and slightly faster healing). The Quick Fix's uber, however, does two things: first, it eliminates knock-back. Second, it increases the rate of healing even more, a whopping 33% on top of what it already does. How many times have you gone invulnerable with the standard medigun, only to have your ubercharge ruined by a diligent Pyro and his airblast, knocking you away from your target? It's frustrating as hell after spending ages building up the charge. Quick Fix? No problem: Pyro can't airblast a Quick-Fix Medic. Sentry can't knock an attacker away either. Sure, you'll take punishment as it fires at you and the person you're ubering, but you'll be steady as a rock and all you have to do is point and shoot. Having extensively tested this in 2fort, I can say that the Quick Fix leaves carnage in its wake. So you're not invlunerable. So what? With this thing, you don't need to be.

But every ugly duckling needs company, and for the aggressive Medic, there's no better accompaniment than the Overdose. It has a large magazine and the same sort of range as the syringe gun and Blutsauger, and does about the same sort of damage, maybe a little bit more. As with the Quick Fix, the advantage of the Overdose is under the bonnet. It increases your movement speed, based on the level of your ubercharge buildup, up to a maximum of 10%. Think about that for a second. The Quick-Fix lets you match speed with Scouts. The Overdose gives you 10% on top of that. Some Scout packages reduce running speed a fraction. I've been in situations where I've had to stop and wait for the Scout to catch up! Once again, for the Battle Medic looking to make a mark (and a mess), this thing is the business.

Finally, let's get to the cherry on top: the Solemn Vow. It's a statue. Of Hippocrates. It's there to remind the conscientious Medic of all the promises that he took to do no harm, which he then casually broke. As a melee weapon, the Solemn Vow is rather ordinary but - again - it's the subtle things that count. A Medic carrying the Solemn Vow can see his enemy's health. Once again, so what? Well, if you're using the Overdose or the syringe gun, you don't necessarily know where your projectiles are going or what damage they're doing. The Blutsauger gives you those handy little 3% health boosts to let you know you've hit, but the other two guns don't do that. With the Solemn Vow you can correct your aim because you can watch your attacker's health bar going down with every hit. And finally, after all that's done and dusted, it makes a handy paperweight as well.

So really, guys and gals, stop dissing the Quick Fix Medic and start being really, really nice to him, because if he knows how to use his gear, he's going to win the game for you. Most Medic scoreboards tend to say something along the lines of 'Kills: 2 - Deaths: 56 - Assists - 200' (on a good day). Your friendly Quick Fix Medic will have as many kills as deaths, he'll function like a machine gunner, he can see the damage he's doing, he'll race around the map, fly through the air with the greatest of ease and, if you've hurt yourself, he'll apply a plaster to your knee and give you a peck on the cheek. Really, what's not to like?


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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby ListerofSMEG-2 on Mon May 13, 2013 11:02 am

Epic length post there!

Must confess, I have rarely used my Quick-Fix as I am a traditional Uber kinda guy.

Might give it a whirl for a change
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Binerexis on Mon May 13, 2013 11:12 am

Personally, I think the Ubersaw is a better choice.
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Cole Scuttle on Mon May 13, 2013 11:59 am

If anyone's interested, I have a spare Quick Fix and Solemn Vow to trade...


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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby osman on Mon May 13, 2013 12:19 pm

tl; dr
My medec loadout :
Medigun + Crossbow + Ubersaw
Or
Kritzkrieg + Crossbow + Ubersaw
Or
Quickfix + Crossbow + Ubersaw

I confess that i love to play with the quickfix on a payload map (especially on #8) but when i use it, i quit it for capture the last point because of the insta respawn and the usual end of map sentry nest, where, a 300% heal rate is not enough in front of many sentries :P
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Frying Dutchman on Mon May 13, 2013 3:16 pm

Use the vaccinator it's vastly superior, by all means buy one in the store in the dozen and share it with your friends.



super srs post :lol:

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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Enigma on Mon May 13, 2013 3:57 pm

Cole Scuttle wrote:loads of funny stuff
Could you also make a thread explaining why SR is superior to SL, please? I'm sure that such an expert should have no problems explaining that. I'll look forward to it.
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby just annoying boo on Mon May 13, 2013 5:06 pm

Never used it since I have had it so might give it a go. I use SK + SM gun to count the fallen souls ;-) 8)
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Cole Scuttle on Tue May 14, 2013 10:59 am

Enigma wrote:
Cole Scuttle wrote:loads of funny stuff
Could you also make a thread explaining why SR is superior to SL, please? I'm sure that such an expert should have no problems explaining that. I'll look forward to it.


Certainly. In the years I've travelled the world, I've seen a lot of strange things and witnessed a lot of unusual customs, but the most extraordinary have to be the Tibetan Hovering Monks of Katmandon't. The Hovering Monks have an arcane philosophy which dictates that Man is just a more evolved - but, crucially, less advanced - version of the bumblebee. Now, this is definitely what you'd consider an exotic philosophy, but when you consider the Monks' perspective, it actually starts to make sense. Bumblebees are solitary insects but they're related to highly social insects, namely the honeybee. People (through the Monks' lens) are exactly the same in this regard and, as monks, they have chosen the Path of the Bumblebee because they see themselves as withdrawn from society and thus able to witness the world from afar and, just like the bees, only have to look at the sweet, pretty parts of it that incidentally contain the nectar.

Now, as I'm sure you've guessed, a half-ounce bumblebee and a twelve-stone human don't have a lot in common, especially where the whole hovering thing is concerned, but there are those who claim to have witnessed the Path of the Bumblebee in action, as it were. These witnesses, often found in pubs in Lhasa, will tell you that when the time comes for a novice to Walk the Path to Enlightenment (and honey) he has to chant the Canticle of the Bumblebee and then flap his arms really fast. For the uninitiated - people like you and me, Enigma - this would be a really tough trick to pull off and would likely lead to nothing more than an embarrassing sprain and possibly broken crockery. That's because we have not Walked The Path (Johnny Cash came close when he Walked The Line, but that's another story) and so we don't have the necessary muscle development. You can always recognise a Hovering Monk in mufti, because they're built like linebackers, with shoulders so over-developed that you actually have to look carefully to see if there's a head anywhere among all that musculature. Anyway, when the Time to Walk arrives, the Monks cluster around the novice and perform the Waggle Dance and Chant the Chant and the novice flaps like hell and, occasionally, a truly gifted novitiate will indeed hover.

So, where do the aforementioned SL/SR come into this? Sit and listen, young ones, for I will tell you. Witnessing the Walking of the Path is a rare privilege not often granted to outsiders and so, of course, science has been highly sceptical about the whole thing for years, to the point of publicly pooh-poohing it at the UN. There's not much that makes a Hovering Monk hot under the collar (which, for him, is at about waist height) quite like public pooh-pooh and so they decided to prove once and for all that the Path was real and that bald human men with very flappy arms could indeed Hover and, in the case of the Grand Master, drink from tulips. Tosh, I hear you say (for that is my Secret Monk Name - Initiate Tosh at your service). Tosh! How on Earth can you prove this? Many men have tried to fly by flapping their arms and all have failed, some to the point of making a rather messy hole in the ground. The Monks insist they can, the UN insists they can't, and they're threatening to revoke the monastery's charitable status pending the results of a fraud inquiry.

Proof was needed; independent proof not manufactured by the Monks, because as the world knows for a fact, monks the world over are experts with Photoshop. And so, with the help of the char lady, Gladys, and a handy broken window on the ground floor, I was able to secret myself away in the cloister last week at the time of the Walking of the Path and, in my hand, I carried my faithful Canon SL/R with the new carbon composite bayonet lugs and snap-zoom aperture that allows for exposures of 1/300 of a second. I used a High Dynamic Range setup and took multiple exposures of each second of the initiate's desperate flapping as the poor little guy grunted, strained and, finally, tore a ligament. The whole thing took less than twenty seconds but in that time I used up a whole memory card and it was while I was studying the image later - after fleeing the monastery pursued by a swarm of angry stinging monks - that I discovered that I had in fact captured the first images of a monk in the act of hovering. Not the poor initiate upon whom the attentions of the congregation were focused, or even on the Grand Master, who was a bit of a sod for taunting the initiate with a bowl of honey placed just outside arms' length. No, the miracle occurred in the background, in one corner and away from the main event. If not for my dependable SL/R, I would never have picked this up. There, lurking behind a hat stand, was a senior Monk, possibly the Cellarer, to judge from his robes and the mayonnaise on the front of his robes, and his arms - even at 1/300 exposure - were a blur. His legs were folded up beneath him and he was at least three feet off the ground. He appeared for only one exposure and then he was gone, out through the door and back down to the mayonnaise vats, but he was undeniably there.

As you can appreciate, my hands shook as I took in the full import of this discovery. Not only had I captured evidence confirming that what the Monks say is true, I had also pooh-poohed the pooh-pooh of the UN and so saved the monastery (even if they have condemned me to damnatio memoriae and put out a contract on me) and, best of all, I did it with a very old camera setup that first saw the light of day, courtesy of those pirates at Minolta, no less, more than thirty years ago. So I would say, on balance, that three things ultimately are true: first, that monks can indeed hover; second, that there's nothing to choose between SL and SR and, finally, that if you're going to troll, you might at least put some effort into it.


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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby just annoying boo on Tue May 14, 2013 3:15 pm

wow :idea:
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby misterchx on Sat May 18, 2013 9:24 am

Nope. Quick-Fix is useless no matter how much you write about it and no matter how much you want it to be useful, a medic best work is helping the team to push forward and take down sentries or large groups of enemies. This does not accomplish it, this makes every single player on the other team just focus the QF medics partner or the QF medic himself. It maaaay be quite useful on certain maps but it's pretty useless on the vast majority of the maps.

SR is also pretty useless, it might be good and fun to use on certain maps but a capable SL demo does so much more mayhem.


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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Enigma on Sat May 18, 2013 6:13 pm

Shut up kiddo you have no credibility. Unlike mister Cole Scuttle, the 2fort heavy legend.
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby Rico on Sun May 19, 2013 7:51 pm

I don't have a Quick Fix. I think I must have smelted it. The Overdose, too. :(
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby 13th Nightmare on Sun May 19, 2013 10:49 pm

I don't really use the Quick-Fix or the Vaccinator as I have always found the Medi-Gun and the Kritzkrieg to be more useful. Plus you can't be ubering a Pyro and just watch them lay havoc to the enemy team. Or give someone a kritzkrieg and just watch them lay waste to everything in their path.
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Re: The ugly duckling of TF2

Postby SkeletalBOB on Mon May 20, 2013 11:41 am

I'll usually use quick fix with a crossbow and ampu, only if our team already has a kritz or uber medic who is having a hard time keeping everyone alive, I will keep almost everyone alive if they're bunched up, unless we get kritzed into, also if I see a demo or a soldier jumping in, i'll jump with em and ampu an enemy or two, normally I'll die doing so, but i'll soon respawn and get back to keeping everyone at full health, there is a place for the quick fix medic, the uber itself from the gun is fairly pants. But the sheer healing rate and the ability to easily keep many at full health and be able to jump and move with the fastest and highest jumping classes is a bonus unto itself. I always keep about 3 quick fixes to trade for those who want one, trade me if you need one, since the jumpy update it's one of the funniest things to do with medic.
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